Mark Twain

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school…

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I…

Man was made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired…

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society…

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about…

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed…

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board…

When angry, count to four when very angry, swear…

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated…

Man – a creature made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired…

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education…

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please…

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of…

The lack of money is the root of all evil…

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who…