Groucho Marx

Humor is reason gone mad…

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats…

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog…

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms…

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse…

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury…

She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon…

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution…

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can…

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member…

It isn’t necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy…

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you…

I must confess, I was born at a very early age…

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom…

No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early…