Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve…

Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows – marriage does…

I remember the first time I had sex – I kept the receipt…

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot…

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These…

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music…

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for…

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and…

Women should be obscene and not heard…

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course…

I’m leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it’s not raining…

Well, Art is Art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And…

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I…

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas…

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into…