Erma Bombeck

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each…

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her…

When humor goes, there goes civilization…

Never have more children than you have car windows…

I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are…

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times…

I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars…

Never order food in excess of your body weight…

There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a…

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all…

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car…

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown…

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely…

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into…

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car…