Johnny Carson

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off…

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and…

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money…

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his…

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was…

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing…

Talent alone won’t make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at…

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas…

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam…

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper…

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day…

Never continue in a job you don’t enjoy. If you’re happy in what you’re doing…

If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen…