Joe Rogan

If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends…

The audience changes every night. You’re the same person. You have to speak your mind…

The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like…

The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don’t know any really funny…

I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never…

That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a…

Never stay in a bad marriage, and don’t hang around with psycho coke fiends…

I wouldn’t totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a…

I had a sense of who I was before I got famous…

It’s painful for me to watch someone who isn’t funny. It’s horrifying to sit in…

Your body’s really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for…

I really feel like it’s a travesty to make a child famous. I really do…

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator…