George Carlin

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things…

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to…

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to…

Weather forecast for tonight: dark…

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters…

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough…

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof…

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven’t tried that…

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to…