Fred Allen

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover’s lane holding his own…

California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange…

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self…

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian…

All I know about humor is that I don’t know anything about it…

The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion…

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They’re afraid God might recognize them…

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the…

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you…

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then…

I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the…

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me…

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission…

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare…

An actor’s popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy…