Demetri Martin

I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes…

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a…

I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video…

I like to use ‘I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter’ on my toast in the…

The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a…

And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I’m looking forward…

But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom…

For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of…

I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming…

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny…

If you can’t tell a spoon from a ladle, then you’re fat…

I love women, but I feel like you can’t trust some of them. Some of…

But what I was going to say was, I just figured I’m going to go…