Billy Connolly

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those…

Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front…

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture…

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was…

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live…

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of…

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit…

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey… Doesn’t try it…