Andy Rooney

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens…

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent…

All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under…

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it…

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person…

Death is a distant rumor to the young…

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in…

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things…

The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army…

The Super Bowl isn’t for kids, I had a great time though and it was…

I don’t think the government is out to get me or help someone else get…

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they…

I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged it makes me think that the chef…

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember…

I like ice hockey, but it’s a frustrating game to watch. It’s hard to keep…