Woody Allen

I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it…

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its…

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose…

To you I’m an atheist to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition…

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done…

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must…

As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard…

Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once…

Right now it’s only a notion, but I think I can get the money to…

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday…

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government…

Eighty percent of success is showing up…

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers…

Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I…

If my films don’t show a profit, I know I’m doing something right…