Rodney Dangerfield

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately…

With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday…

Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He…

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother…

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages…

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she…

My mother had morning sickness after I was born…

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then…

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time…

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get…

My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and…

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to…

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap…