Mitch Hedberg

Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something…

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me…

I’m a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone’s…

I like refried beans. That’s why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they’re just…

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle…

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning…

I’d like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a…

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to…

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus…

If my kid couldn’t draw I’d make sure that my kitchen magnets didn’t work…